You have two ways of making contact with a guy on Grindr. Make your profile so attractive that he messages you. Or message him yourself.
You will no doubt be using both strategies. In this post I take a look at some of the implications of each method.
He messages you
The big factor here is that he has looked at some part of your profile and decided you are worth finding out more about. He is therefore disposed to think well of you.
Of course he may not have looked at much of your profile. Your big biceps may have been enough for him to get in contact with you. You will come to an opinion on his likely compatibility and genuineness by:
But on the very initial impression things are good.
Note, however, that this is a reactive messaging strategy. You are waiting for the guys to come to you. To make it worthwhile, you have to make your Grindr profile as enticing as possible.
You will also have to reject the guys who message you and who you aren’t into. Some of them might take this rejection badly which could involve sending you an abusive message.
Finally, if you are not showing a face pic or body pic in your profile, you are unlikely to receive many messages. You will have to opt for the ‘you message him’ strategy.
You message him
This is a proactive messaging strategy. You are taking the initiative and messaging him. The plus part of this strategy is that you can send prospective messages to all the guys you like the look of.
The negative part is that you have to have the strength of character to deal with the numerous rejections that will come with this. Yes, even guys with ‘model’ looks will get rejected. And these rejections will be dealt to you in various ways. Some guys will think ‘no way’ and simply block you. Some just won’t reply. Some may reply with hurtful comments. And some will reply with a polite ‘thanks, but no thanks’ message. All these, even the polite brush off, can damage your self-esteem.
If you want to up the chance of getting a successful response, you need to send something more creative and outstanding than just a banal ‘hi’. Coming up with this opening message can take both time and effort.
However every now and then one of your opening messages should register with a guy who likes the look of your profile as much as you like the look of his. Bingo! Hopefully the succeeding message exchange will lead to something good!
If you don’t have Grindr Xtra…
If you are using the free version of Grindr then your best option is to make your profile so attractive that other guys message you. Many, many guys will be able to check out your profile and message you. But your limited ability to only see one hundred guys, along with the fact that many of these will be time wasters, pictureless, etc., means your own messaging pool is severely curtailed. And without access to multiple filters and unlimited blocks, your ability to manipulate your cascade to make your ideal man appear is virtually nil.
The more you message guys, the thicker skin you need to have. You need to be able to shrug your shoulders and say ‘oh well’ when some of your messages inevitably lead to rejection. The more you wait for guys to message you, the less thick your skin needs to be. However you are limiting your compatibility pool to just the guys who message you, rather than all the guys on Grindr. You will also have to reject many of those guys who do send you a message.
If you are a free Grindr user you can only see one hundred profiles, but hundreds of other Grindr users will be able to see your profile. Therefore your best strategy is to make your profile as attractive as possible while at the same time clearly spelling out what you are looking for. Hopefully your ideal man will then find you.